Where?

Originally posted on Fruitofmybranches.com

I saw this one coming, so I turned to You and reassured You that I would remain by Your side. We had been dwelling together and doing life together so intently, and I wanted to continue to abide in You. So, I walked into the dark storm singing Your praises and holding Your hand. But…something was different when I came out. I was still standing, but I was badly wounded. “I foresaw the storm, but I had no idea it would inflict pain like this,” is what I told You as I released Your hand to nurse my hurt.

The damage from the storm left me with so many questions, but my main question was, “Why did You let this happen?” I desperately desired to understand. I knew You were good, but the aftermath of this one didn’t add up to good. And, every time I sought to walk in love, I was crippled by pain. This couldn’t be good. I was in a better condition before this happened. My mind tried to make sense of Your benevolence, but this situation turned it into a conundrum.

I’m not sure if I was more hurt by the blows of the storm or the knowledge that You allowed it. I just wanted to get away and find a safe place to recover, a shelter. You were my shelter, but where could I go if I was upset with You? Honestly, where could I go aside from You, period? Where? No other refuge had proven to be more faithful than You. So, I ran to You with my hurt and my confused heart. I yelled. I cried. I cried. I cried. And, You? You listened. You cried with me. You held me. You loved me (even when my finger was pointed at You). You reached for my hand to hold again and waited patiently with Your arm extended until I was ready.

Healing wasn’t immediate. There were days when I just sat in your presence and wept. But, I kept coming back. And, each time I came, I was met by love. It was Your presence that changed me. In Your presence, my heart lost its confusion and understanding was no longer desirable. I just wanted to be close to You. How could I run from You when You were what I needed?

So, here we are today, hand in hand with a grip much tighter this time. Memories of the hurt come to mind every now and then, but they pale in comparison to Your love that surrounds me. I am grateful for Your love that is faithful when I am not. You stand by me when I am not strong enough to stand by You. But, I am learning to just fall at Your feet and unravel there. I have nowhere else to go but You, so I will bring EVERYTHING to You (even when I feel hurt by You). And, although I still don’t understand everything, You’ve begun to show me all the good that You created from the storm. I trust You more now. Thank you for patiently loving me. **G.I.G.**