Originally posted on Fruitofmybranches.com
Hey Love,
Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you’re doing well. It’s been a year since I wrote you, and there’s so much to catch up on! The past year was rough but good! Rough, because I experienced a lot of painful pruning. Good, because I experienced a lot of needed growth and healing. I was hoping that you and I would connect last year, as is the dream for every year, but I’m kinda glad that didn’t happen. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve matured, and in my mind, I thought I was ready. But, last year was the “year of the full-length mirror.” I say that because God showed me so many areas that needed to be addressed and were previously neglected because I had a “limited view.” Things I couldn’t see before were in plain view, and they were unsightly. I prayed Psalm 139:23-24 countless times in the years prior, and, boy, did God answer those prayers last year! Honestly, I wasn’t a fan of how He answered my prayers, there were many hurtful moments, but I am so glad He did. I needed it…You know what’s interesting? When praying for you, I prayed that you’d be most attracted to my spirit. I prayed that it would be like a sweet smelling perfume that drew you to me. I guess God is freshening up that perfume and making it more lovely lol 🙂
To be honest with you, there was a moment last year when I gave up on the hope of ever meeting you. I actually told God to take away the desire because I no longer wanted to be married. I seriously told Him I wanted to be like Paul. In my heart, marriage had become a dream deferred, and I couldn’t bear the weight of the hurt any longer. It became weightier every time I celebrated engagements, marriages, and pregnancies of others, and the weight became even heavier as I kept experiencing unfruitful relationships in own my life. I couldn’t carry it anymore. It was too heavy. It was crushing me. So, I stopped praying for you…But, I began praying again last month. God reminded me that “my dream deferred” wasn’t just “my” dream and it wasn’t just for me. If it were, then I would have the right to walk away from it, but since it’s not, I dusted myself off and cast my cares. I was carrying a load that was never intended for my back to bear. And, since I am only a steward of this dream (it’s God’s), I’ll let Him carry the weight. In lieu of “weight lifting,” I’ve decided to focus my strength on using my spiritual gifts to bless others, and it’s been amazing. I feel so fulfilled and purposeful.
Speaking of purpose, two weeks ago God revealed to me my purpose (like the whole thing). I previously had puzzle pieces and I was doing a good job of piecing it together, but there was a lot of uncertainty. Well, let’s just say uncertainty escapes me now. Since finding out, I’ve been crying almost daily. Reason: it’s so beautiful and it’s so BIG. There’s definitely no way I can do it without God, and it’s definitely not anything I would’ve desired to do aside from Him. It’s got His name written all over it.
Another thing that’s suddenly obvious is the reason why the other dudes didn’t work out. They weren’t the right fit for the plans God has for me. It all makes sense now! Although you’re taking your time to arrive (you’re almost like Jesus – no man knows the day or the hour when you’re going to pop up lol), fear not. God isn’t going to let anyone take your spot. Trust me! I’ve tried to fill your seat many times, but God quickly ejected every last one of them…sigh lol.
God and I are on the same page now. I don’t desire to entertain anyone unless they’re going in the same direction God’s sending me. That really rules out a lot of options, and I’m okay with that. I’m so in love with the plans God has for me that I’m willing to go without you. It’s not to say that I don’t want you anymore (believe me, “I do”), but I’m not going to wait on you to go. You’re going to have to put on your running shoes to catch me because I will not be stationary when you finally make your grand entrance. I will be running after God, and the beautiful vision He’s given me. I look forward to having a “running-mate,” but in the meantime, I’m lacing up my shoes, stretching my muscles, and positioning myself to take off. Catch me if you can 🙂
Okay, babe, I’ve caught you up on the things you should know. Hopefully, this time next year I’ll be talking to you in person, but if not, you can rest assured that I will write you a letter. And, I have a feeling I’ll have tons of exciting news to share. God is about to do something awesome in my life. I can’t explain it, but He’s been setting the stage for something great!…Until next time 🙂
Love You,
Jade N Jazz Blog 